Some things are better left unknown.

waking up everyday feeling like shit honestly isn't helping.
I feel weak, drained, exhausted to the point where I don't even have the strength to accomplish the simplest things.

Lately, I haven't been thinking properly/right, the so call moral thinking.
When I thought my mind was strong enough to control my whole body interaction, but I, once again overestimated / overused the power of my mind.

I was talking to a friend last night, discussing with him about my curiosity over this substance, he flipped out on me... saying that he was in shock, and would be in complete disappointment if i ever allow myself to try something stupid like that.
^ this, is what i need in a friend. I need someone who is not afraid to yell at me, slap me, or do whatever to me until i am fixed. Although it is not the greatest feelings, I know this is right, most importantly, I know he is right.

I am blessed to have countless friends who would take the time to "cure" me, I am thankful to have them, and sometimes I don't even think I deserve to be treated this way. I do understand that people say things, whether good or bad, intentionally or unintentionally, are for the best of me, hoping to rescue me out of this hell hole faster.
However, as cruel as this sounds, I think friends are only the painkillers, they can take the pain away for a period of time, but the scars reappear after the painkillers are "digested" out. After all, I am my own medicine, only I know what the real problem is, only I will be able to fix the problem...

Do realize that, I am not trying to isolate myself from everyone, I just want to solve my problem in the most ideal way. I tend to enjoy being alone sometimes because that's my way of clearing all the trash in my head. As much as I enjoy the company of my friends, I am sure there are moments where you just want to be alone, and leave everything behind.

Even though I am not feeling a 100% right now, I do want to remain a little positive. I don't want to lose hope, and i do believe things will get better in the future.


P.S. Dear Blogspot,
you have won back my love.

P.P.S. I want a little bro/sis.

YC